This little ascii derived 'toon is based upon an animated version, which did the rounds in a recent online demo competition for the Dead Hackers 10th Anniversary online (Atari scene.)
For those of you unlucky enough to be without any form of Atari MC68k computer, which I guess is most of the Hugi readership, here's a specially adapted static version for you.
To cut a dull story short, the strip is a pretty damn accurate reconstruction of a rather foul-smelling anti piracy advert that ELSPA ran, back in the mid to late eighties. Some of you may be UK readers, who will suddenly remember this with a pang of acid heartburn! Of course, part of the fun is working out where I've deviated from the official script. The ending wasn't part of the original either, but was tagged on to reflect the likely outcome!
Anyway, enjoy....
CiH, 17.12.04.
/ \ .====================`.
= `. /__________________________\ / \ '.
\ '. | ( ) | /_______________________\/|
__\/ | | /| |\/ || | ( ) | |
| | |__\|__|_________________|| | /| |\ | |
| /| //;... ;::::.. . ... |: -------- |___\'_'/______________|/: ---
__|/ | //________________________//| /______________________/ |
| / | Fruit 'n ______________|_ . . | Warez 'R US! | |
| / | Veg! .' '. | Komputer Games.. |/
__|/ '________ / Wow! That stall's \ |_______________________'
.######. ( selling computer ) .-----------------. .---.__
.## #######. \ games. Let's take / |Yeah, I wonder | .' '_.
.### ######## / a closer look! .' |what we'll find | (_____/) \
### __. .__ )/ _.______________. |there? | /@) '. )
{ ( @ : @)( // '----------------\ \ (_ a} .'
# \ ) / ... . \_= |__. -
' _\_)_ \ \/// '__/ _)
. \ \_____/ ) /\ \ . . ( /
) / / \/ . '___'\_
_/'--_____--| / / ,------------------------, / \
/ v \/ / :| ONE SATURDAY AFTERNOON |: / / /
/ | / :| AT THE MARKET... |: \ / /|
\ /| ' .__/ '________________________' \ / / |
\ \ | \ / / '
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. |
| . | .---. .---. .-- .-- | '
| | | |-- | |-- | |-- \ | .---__----__------__---.
'_____' | | | \ '__ __' .... | Don't ask for kredit | |
.::''':::''':: \ as a punch in the |
`.---. . . .-- .::' ''' '::. | mouth often ofends!! | |
|-- | | | \ :: :: '_--______--______--___' '
| \ '___' __' (\( .__ __. )/) _ _ _ _ _ |
) ) (_o) (o_) ( ( '. The Hobbit ' |
\{ \ }/ | OUT NOW! |
K \/\/ A L i T y ( (__) ) |/\/\/\/\/\/\/' .
_ ' '_______' ' , ZX Spectrum | |
S o F t \/\/ a R e Z (\/\ /\ | C64 | '
__' '===___===' '__ . Amstrad |
S i N c E 1982! .' === '. | Atari 800 | |
/ . \ --- --- - - -
sssssssssssssssssssss / / | |\ \ |
\ \| . | \ \ ;
------------------\ \ ------------------- _ \-------------
/ .---. ___ __ _________. ____ /\\--- / /Turbo / / \ \ |
/ /___// / //// /G-string / / /\ / // / /bottom / / / \ .
/ ====' /__//// / fighter / /___/ / /______/_'_hunt / \ / \ |
/ / / / ---------- \___\/ / //_____' \/ \ '
/____/ ------ /_____// \
.------------. .- - - - - - -. ______________.
/ / \ / / \ / / \
/____________/ \ /_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ \ /_\\\\\\\\\\\\/ \
| | | ----- | | | ---- | | |-----
|_____ .#######. _______________ | ________________
| .### #######. .' Wow, they've '. .--.--.._ .' Hang on, this '
'--- .### ######## ( got Arse Bandits ) .' (_. `. ( box looks a bit )
### __. ._ ) ' of Zorg! .' (______/ '_ ) ' dodgy? '
{. ( @ : @)( / /--------------- :(@) \ (@) \/ / /--------------'
# \ ) \/ | _) } |/
' _\_)_ \ ( _____ ) '
\ \_____/ ) ( (_____) )
) _ / . '__ __'
__/'--_____--|__ __/ ---- \__
/ v \ / \
/ | \ . / /\ . \
\ /| ' |\ \ / / | |\ \ |
\ \| | | \ \ _/__/ | | \ /
\ \ ' | \__\ . \ / |======= _-/ / .
\/ \.........| _)_ \_ /_/ |*******|__|/
. |_/ .| \\\ | |***||****| . .
| _ || | |***||****|
| | | |'_______' |***||****|
| | | | |***||****|
/______________/ \ /_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ \ /_\\\\\\\\\\\\/ \
--| | ------ | | | --- | | .|---
|______ .#######. ________________ | | ______|.' |
| .### #######. .'And this one is '. .' .--.--.._ | .'
'----- .### ######## ( definitely a ) ' .' (_. `. ----' '
### __. .__ ) /' copy!! .' (_______/ '_ )
{. ( @ : @)( / / ---------------- :(@) \ (@)\/
# \ ) |/ | _) }
' _\_)_ \ ( _____ )
\ (_____) ) ( (_____) ) .'
) _ / '__ __'
__/'--_____--|__ . __/ ---- \__
/ v \ / \
/ /| | . \ . / . . \ .
\ \ | ' | \ \ / /| |\ \
\ \' | | / / \ / | | \ /
\ \ . /\ _/ / . \ \-_ _-/ /
\/ \ | / / \/ \|__|======|__|/
\_/... / \/ |**********|
| / / |***/ \***|
| _\ / . |***| |***| '
'. | | |\ / . |***| |***|
. | | | \/| \***\ |***|
| | | | \***\|***|
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. |
| . | .---. .---. .-- .-- | ___________________ '
| | | |-- | |-- | |-- \ | .' 'Ere you two.. '.
'_____' | | | \ '__ __' .... ( Either buy something, ) |
.::''':::''':: ' or NAFF OFF! .'
`.---. . . .-- .::' ''' '::. / /------------------- |
|-- | | | \ :: :: |/ '
| \ '___' __' (\( \__ __. )/) |
) ) (_o) (o_) ( ( |
\{ \ }/
K \/\/ A L i T y ( ,_(__)_, ) .
_ ' \______' ' |
S o F t \/\/ a R e Z (\/\ /\ _ '
__' '===___===' '__ __________ //__
S i N c E 1982! .' === ' | ==: |
/ . ___________\____'
sssssssssssssssssssss / / | \ |
/ /| . | ;
-------------------------------------------------------------
/ .---. ___ __ _________. ____ /\\----. /-----/ / \ \ |
/ /___// / //// /G-string / / /\ / // / /Zzap!/ / / \ .
/ ====' /__//// / fighter / /___/ / /______/__ /_____' \ / \ |
/ / / / ---------- \___\/ /,,,,,// \/ \ '
/____/ ------ /_____// \
/____________/ \ /_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ \ /_\\\\\\\\\\\/
| | | | | | | |
--- |________ | -------- ' | | ---- | |
. | .#######. __________________ .' |------------|
'____ .### #######. .'You're selling '. | | .--.--.._'
.### ######## ( copied games, and ) .' ' .' (_. `.
### \_. ._/ ) / I DON'T LIKE IT! .' (______/ '_ )
. {. ( @ : @)( / /'----------------- :(@) \ (@) \/
# \ ) |/ | _) }
' ' _\_)_ \ .--------------. ( _ )
\ |_____| ) .'Beside which, ' ( (_) ) .
) _ / . | mumsy said that | /| '__ __'
. '--_____--|__ ( market traders '// __/ ---- \__
/ v \ | are common people / / \
/ . | . \ | who all smell ( / /| |\ \
/ /| ' | \ \ | like toilets! .' \ \| |/ /
/ / ' | | / / '---------------' \ \_ _/ /
_/ / | . |_/ / \ /\\=====/ \/
| \ / | | | \/ . \/******\/.
/\/ ..........'_| |***|\****|
\ / . |***| |***|
| __ \ ' . |***| |***| '
' | | \ \ |***| |***|
. | | \ \ '. |***| |***|
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. |
| . | .---. .---. .-- .-- | . . ___________________ '
| | | |-- | |-- | |-- \ | ' . ' .'RIGHT!! COME HERE '.
'_____' | | | \ '__ __' .... . ( YA LITTLE FUCKERS!! ) |
.::''':::''':: ' ___________________.'
`.---. . . .-- '..::' ''' ':: / / _ |
|-- | | | \ :: :: / / /#\ SMAK! '
| \ '___' __' . (\( \__ __/ )/)/ |#| . |
) ) (_*) (*_) ( ( |#| . |
\{ \ }/ \ |#| / . '`
K \/\/ A L i T y ( ,_(__)_, ) -' |#|' - . .
_ ' |______| ' / |#|
S o F t \/\/ a R e Z (\/\ /\ |#| .#######.
__.---. __' '===___===' '__ |#|.##### #####.
-' '. 1982! .' === '\ |#|##### ######
(\_____) / . \ |#|(./\ ######'
.' (@:\ ssssssss / / | \ \____/\|_|:* ))) .} ###
{a _) / /| . |\ | |/ ####'
- ._| \ \ | | '------'--'|_/|/\ #.'
(_ (__ \ \ | | |#| .... '
\ ) \ \_ . | V [ (
'___' \__/ / | \_.____).
/ \ '-.__\ --------------/ / \
| | | \ | | / /
_____________________________
| One swift beating later.... |
'-----------------------------' * .---------------------.
.---.__ * . . | Those annoying kids |
.' '_. . _._ _ | arses are the perfect |
\/\/hine! (_____/) \ * / \\\ ' place to get rid of '
, /o)) '. ) \ // | my dodgy copied games |
/\/\oan!! '. (_ a} .' * \ // . | Arf arf! |
. |_--. - __|,// '___ ______________'
____) _)__--__----/.-' ) ) * \ |
.#######. ( / | ( (_________ \ | ....
.##### #####.__'___' / _ __ | `----------.) \| .::''':::'''::
##### ###### _______/__ * / \\\\ _______________ ) .::' ''' '::.
. (./\/ ######' * . | \ / * \( :: ::
, := ))) .} ### . * \ // . ' (\( \___ ___/ )/)
/ ####' _\.// * ___ ) ) (_@) (@_) ( (
(_/\/\ #.' .----___--\.-' ) ) . |hrob! \{ \ }/
____] '--' / ( (______ ( ,_(__)__, )
[ ( | `-------.) _ ' \__ _/ '
\_.____)-\ / | ._______ ) (\/\ '--' /\
/ /'.______\.----' \( __' '===___===' '__
_/\_____/ / ' .' ===
:__\______/ / .
/ |
___.
/ __ \ .-, _____ ____ ____
._/ /_ \/ / /\ / \ / \ / \
/_ __/ / / / / / \/ / /\ / / /\
/ /____ / / / /_\ / / /_\ / / /_\ / /
/______/ /__/ /_____/ /_____/ /_____/ / ,_
\_______/\____/\_______/\_______/\_______/ | e \/\/ a r d . . .
'
For information leading to the loss of all your teeth to a pissed off
market trader. Hardly worth it really? Why not try something safer,
like grassing up your playground games swapping mates. Go on, you
know you want to!
. .
(') (')
\\.-----.//
/| { }
/=|NY INFORMATION ON PIRACY SHOULD BE PASSED )* *(
TO THIS DEFUNCT TELEPHONE NUMBER WHICH USED \, ^ ,/
TO BELONG TO F.A.S.T (The Federation against //:===:\\
Software Theft.) (.)'___'(.)
071-497 8973 ' '
_ _ _ _ _ (Beep-beep-duuuuuuuh!) PIRACY
|E:L:S:P:A| IS NAUGHTY!
- - - - -
,, ,,
( ) ( ) .--- . . .--. .--. .-- .---. .--. .
| | | | / /__ / /__ / /__ : / / / /__ / /
,, | | | | / / / / / / \ / / / / / /
( )| | | |.-..-. '.___ ' ' ' ' ' ' '.__ '.__.' ' ' '.__
| || \ / |\ \ \
( \' v /_ /_ / "This parody is best before December 1986!"
\ \ ' ((_((_))
\ '- '- '
| Dildo Fatwa | .--- .-- .--. . .-- .--. .-. .--
'. are... | /__ /__ /__ : / /__ /__ / ' /__
\ .' / / / \ / / / / '. /
| | ' '.__ ' ' '.__ '.__ ' ' '._.' '.__
.~~~~~~~~~~.
|############| "Turbo Bottom Hunt on the ZX Spectrum?"
|############| "Ah yes, I remember that!"
|# ##########|
|# ##########|
|# ##########| .---. .---. .---. .-- .---.
|# ##########| /___.' / / / / / / /
|# ##########| / / / / / / / /
|# ##########| ' '.__.' ' ` '.___\ '.__.'
|# ##########|
|# ##########| "I love the smell of tape copiers in the morning!"
(C) Dildo Fatwa Ascii collective, November 2004. This version to appear in
HUGI disk magazine!
..----.
.' .----' .-.
| | | | .-----. .-----.
|#____ | | '. ___' | |=] | .-----.
|# ___' |#| \#\ | ___' | |---| |
|#'.____ |#|____ __\#\ |#| |#|===|#|
|#######| |######| |#####| |#| |#| |#| _ _ _
-------' '______' '_____' '_' '_' '_' [#] [#] [#]
_____ ___
(__ __) __ __ ___ ) __( ______ _____ __ __ __
) ( )|=|( |(= ( |__ ( __ ) ( ___) )| )| |(
'---' '-' '-' '-- ) ==( )| |( )| ( | ( | | )
( |__ ( |==| ) ( | )|___ )|__|(
.' '. )___( ): :( ): (_____)(____ )
{ Dildo } |(
} Fatwa { | )
{ } '
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